By Shenalyn Page
True or false? Families always get along.
Ha! Of course not! We all know that isn’t true. But let me ask it another way.
SHOULD families get along and love each other?
Yes! Mom and Dad ought to love each other. A lot. Their kids ought to be a top priority. Brothers and sisters ought to be allies, not enemies. Everyone should treat each other with kindness and respect. Ahhhh … sounds nice, doesn’t it?
Sadly, that kind of love isn’t a reality in many homes. Maybe you live in a dysfunctional home with more yelling than conversation and more hurt feelings than healed hearts. If so, you have two options. You can: 1) moan about it or 2) do something about it.
I’m guessing you agree that being proactive is the better option. But what can you do?
You CAN Pray
The most important thing you can do for your family is to pray for them regularly. When you pray for your family, you invite God to come into the mess and clean it up. Your prayers give God permission to start changing people’s thoughts and feelings. Your prayers also create a wall of protection around your family that Satan cannot get through without God’s permission.
Here are some things you can pray for:
• A soft heart and a desire to follow God’s law (Ezekiel 36:26, 27)
• Loving hearts and actions (1 John 4:7
• Victory over sin and addictions (1 John 5:4)
• Peace of mind and heart (John 14:27)
• The ability to forgive (Matthew 6:14)
“Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him” (1 John 5:14, 15).
You CAN Forgive
Choosing to forgive someone who hurts you can be incredibly difficult. We think forgiveness lets the other person off the hook for their actions, but it actually creates an opportunity for healing and puts the person who hurt you in God’s hands. He will take care of any retribution that needs to happen (Romans 12:19).
“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him” (Luke 17:3, 4).
Please note: Choosing to forgive is not the same as choosing to trust. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that you need to trust them or allow them into your life. If someone has hurt you, be cautious about trusting them again.
You CAN Choose Gratitude
First Thessalonians 5:18 might just be one of the most puzzling verses in the Bible. It says, “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Really? Thankful in EVERY situation? How is that even possible?
To be honest, it comes down to CHOICE. You can choose to trust God. And you can choose to be grateful, even for the hard things—because they will help you grow.
Being thankful for your family, even when they are annoying (or worse), invites God into the negative space and allows Him to bring healing. Start thanking God for your family and see what happens. You just might be surprised.
“Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20).
You CAN Be Kind
Even if everyone around you is being mean and angry, you can—because Jesus lives in you—be an example of kindness and goodness. Don’t just look out for yourself. Instead, choose to make life better for your family. Use thoughtful words when your sister gets on your nerves. Do your brother’s chores when he’s stressed about school. Don’t complain when Mom says there isn’t money for the new dress you want. Ask Dad about his day.
“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31, 32).
You CAN Be a Peacemaker
It is rough being in the middle between two angry people. But it’s where God can use you to help bring peace. Ask God to give you wisdom to help, then do what you can to help both sides calm down, listen to each other, and talk it out. Your prayerful peacemaking can take the edge off a difficult situation and help restore loving relationships.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).
You CAN NOT Force People to Get Along
Unfortunately, there is no “off” button for family drama in this sinful world. You can’t magically make everyone get along. You can’t wish your parents into loving each other again. Or smack your brothers into being kind. Force never works. Even Jesus’ family didn’t get along all the time. And if anyone could have had the perfect family, it should have been Jesus!
BUT (and this is important) you can invite Jesus into your life so He can change you. Then, let Him work through you to move your family toward love, kindness, and respect.
To learn more about God’s plan for family relationships, check out this video: “Can We All Get Along?”