A new school year had just begun, and John and his family had recently moved into the area—from another country! He was in a new house, new neighborhood, and a new school. He wasn’t happy or excited about leaving all his family and
friends behind—and basically starting over.
John didn’t have any friends and was nervous about making new friends. You might be surprised to know that his struggle is actually very common. A lot of teens experience—and struggle with—this issue.
Thankfully, the Bible gives solid advice in this area. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (NKJV). Friendships and relationships are key to how God made us and, when you don’t have any friends, it
negatively affects you all the way around—emotionally, spiritually, physically, academically.
Generally, there are three typical reasons why people don’t have friendships:
- Poor social skills, or being awkward socially
- Having low self-esteem or poor self-image
- Being bullied through being purposefully excluded from friendships or groups
Being sad, frustrated, or angry about not having any friends is normal. But remaining in this situation is not. God absolutely wants you to have friends—and to be a friend to others. Friendships provide many blessings and
benefits to you and will make your life much more fun and interesting.
It’s easy to try to solve this problem without God’s help or anybody else’s. But I want to encourage you not to do that. To come up with a real, long-term solution, it’s important for you to stop, pray, and consider deeply
about why this is. God, in His Word, gives us guidelines for finding out the root of your problems.
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Begin with prayer and asking God to give you wisdom. God promises, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5 NKJV).
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Then, specifically pray David’s prayer: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties” (Psalm 139: 23 NKJV). And then get ready to write! I promise you that God will give you wisdom and insight into what is
going on. Take some time to think about and pray about what God has given you.
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Don’t try to deal with this issue by yourself. The Bible promises, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14 NKJV). Take what God has given you, go to a trusted
adult (parent, relative, friend, pastor, coach, or teacher) who knows and loves you and ask them this painful question: “I don’t have any friends, and I want to change that. I’ve prayed and asked God for wisdom as to why that is;
I’ve also been thinking a lot about it, and here’s what I’ve got so far [insert insight/information God has given you]. What do you think about this? Can you give me any ideas about what you feel is the problem?”
Adults are often great at being able to give you information about what you are—or aren’t doing well—and even how to make it better! It also may be easy to get discouraged, get your feelings hurt, or get upset when hearing some
insights about you, but I want to encourage you to muscle through it, listen to what is being shared, and learn and benefit from it.
- Equipped with this new information, take some more time to pray, and with your adult support, make a game plan and come up with a solid plan to make friends.
Here are four great Bible passages to think and pray about when searching for the kind of friends you want (and don’t want)—and the kind of friend you want to be:
- “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20 NKJV).
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“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22, 23 NKJV).
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“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the
truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13: 4–7, NKJV).
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“As the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you,
so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection” (Colossians 3:12–14 NKJV).
With God’s Holy Spirit, the information He’s given you, the support of an adult, and your plan, it’ll be no time before you have lots of genuine and mutually beneficial friendships.